AlL wiLl be okaY

I started this post with so much hate, and kept rewriting and erasing.. because this experience and short season of my life ended up staying with me for years. I never hesitated dating a man or woman with kids because I absolutely love kids. But I got slapped in the face with reality after actually dating a man with kids. I have dated two men with kids and both of those men I don't have any respect for. One I met right off their divorce and another I met with years past his divorce, both experiences sucked. It takes a special person to step into that role as a bonus parent. A strong person who has healthy boundaries and is very secure in themselves. I thought I was all of those things, but I fell short. If someone asked me if I think they should date someone with kids.. I wouldn't automatically say no, but I would have hesitations and a lot of questions that I wish I would have asked before hand.

You can't amend or be on good terms with someone who has already made up their mind about you. I could pick at your past and your insecurities with being a mom and being adopted that maybe stem from your behavior now, but again I do not actually know you. You never took the time to get to know me or took me seriously, even though I was spending so much time with your daughter. I believe starting out with respect would have went a long way, but you made being in that relationship impossible. Watching every move I make on social media, blowing up your ex husband's phone saying the meanest things one could say, and yes, you did and do use your daughter like a pawn to dictate and still have control over your baby daddy.

Calling your baby daddy a deadbeat is not protecting your daughter. Telling him you guys would be so much better without him is not protecting your daughter. Making assumptions on how your baby daddy parents when you are not there is not protecting your daughter.

You being appalled that I talked about the mother of his child "like that" when all I talked about was my experience, what I witnessed, and your actual behavior... which people are allowed to do by the way.. still blows my mind. You most likely hated it because your actions were being public, actions you took privately that when told out loud you panicked because of this fake persona you try to put off to the world.

Your daughter loved me, and I have videos to prove it and screenshots of the nasty text messages you "never sent" of things you would "never say". I never wanted to hurt your daughter, but I know I can walk away confident in the fact that I loved her and tried creating a safe space for her in the time I was in her life.

You know what would be protecting your daughter? Becoming a better version of yourself. That is what would be protecting your daughter. Focusing on yourself and what you can control rather than spending all of this unwanted time and energy making another person's life miserable. Making sure you are okay so that you can be that strong foundation for her.. that would be protecting your daughter.

I don't want ill will on your life. I actually want you to be happy, find a love you deserve and let go of this insane grasp you have over your ex husband. You can't force a man to be the perfect dad you have envisioned. You are creating impossible expectations and then getting angry when he can't meet them. You need to accept and let go.. and I promise you will feel less crazy and more happy when you do that.

You did teach me some things that I can walk away with and be grateful for.

The relationship was impossible to stay in with all your actions, so I left. But in leaving I saw a man who was only attracted to physical appearances and not the actual person I was becoming. That kind of man can stay far away from me as much as possible.

I hope one day you can let go of that control and realize, all will be okay.