Dear God,

I get tired of feeling like I have to prove myself.

Prove that I am worthy of love, prove that I am capable to be a wife and have someone want to stay. I shouldn't have to prove this, but I am at the end of my rope. I am exhausted. I am exhausted of feeling like this - to prove.. all this anger. All of the people who made me feel insignificant. All of the people who talk shit. All the new people I date not being my person. Watching my dad give his life away - losing a ton of friends - not doing anything other than going to work and going home. I am fucking exhausted.

What do you want from me? Why am I here?

Why can't I have the soul mate? The kids? .. or just a fucking decent guy who loves me entirely.. or girl.

Why can't I have that? I get your timing is better but I fucking need something. I need to know why I am here in this moment, what the fuck is it that you want me to do because being alone won't get me far. You didn't want Adam to be alone but you make me fucking alone? All my ex's get love but I am here sober and single with barely any friends?

Where do I go.. what do you want ...This isn't fair. The anger and the hurt I am carrying, the loneliness. How do you expect me to be okay? Come into my life, and help me.

I am begging you.